Monday, November 11, 2013
He has passed the Knight in Shining Armor test so many times that I have lost count. He was the one who found our song - if you scroll down and listen to the Ray Charles song posted below and close your eyes and listen to the words of that song - maybe, just maybe you can glimpse the heart of this man and how much he loves me. No one - my whole life - has loved me like he does. The picture above is another example. There were some mini roses left over from a birthday party and instead of throwing them away he 1.) thought of this idea, 2.) took the time to cut down each individual rose and 3.) arrange them on the table to surprise me when I came over to his house. Wow - is that not the most romantic thing you have ever saw? Every day with him is like that.
Long time readers will remember how I always prayed for a man who could cook and that I could wash the dishes. To say he can cook is an understatement. The man is a culinary genius and I think that he first fell in love with me when I was washing the dishes after he made this masterpiece meal of BBQ ribs, black beans and tomatoes and homemade coleslaw. He kissed me for the first time at that moment. AND OH! What an amazing kisser! All the kissing of frogs I did in Casper was only to serve as a contrast for how perfect his kisses are.
Now I am at the place where I cannot bear to be apart from him. It aches in my chest. I am in Wyoming at the moment. My grandfather just died and I am here for the funeral and I may post more on that. I am so sad for my grandmother who was married to and loved my grandfather for 73 years. I know that it is God's will for me to be here, because I am, but all I can think about is how very far away I am from my love. But he is waiting for me and soon we will be back in each others arms once again.
I want to say more, but I would have to write a book. Please pray for us, and be happy for me. I am so happy with him and I have not been happy for a very long time.
take care my friends
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
I snuck into the barn to get away from the crowd for a moment. I felt strongly that I should come to the family reunion this year, since I am now home from Wyoming and it is close. Most years in the past I have avoided it like the plague but this year I felt it was important that I go.
My mother has been feeling better but not quite to the level of spending an entire weekend with my father’s extended family. It was decided that we would go up on Saturday morning in time for breakfast and stay until after lunch and then head home. I sat and visited with various aunts and uncles and cousins. My father is the oldest of eleven and has five brothers and five sisters, which usually makes for huge family reunions between all the children and the children’s children and all the little grandchildren. This year was no different although it seemed there were less people this year than in times past. We arrived by eight and I was ready to go again at nine thirty.
My sister and her husband were going to run to the store and I asked if could ride along.
“That’s how agoraphobia starts,” my brother in law stated in his EMT terminology.
“I’m not afraid to leave the house,” I told him. “I’m not even afraid of crowds to be honest. I just have a hard time with our whole family in one little area.”
When we got back, I made the rounds again. A little chit-chat here and a rowdy story about the guy with the tongue there and sooner than I would have thought I had visited with everyone there.
Inside the barn were tables and the remains of last nights partying. Half full gallon jugs of rum were sitting on the table surrounded by empty beer bottles and over flowing ashtrays. People came out here to smoke but I figured no one would be here this early in the morning and I could read a chapter in my book before anyone began to miss me.
My cousin Jon came in to smoke a cigarette and I put my book down. I was never really close to him, not really, although he was always one of my favorites. He was several years younger than me, one of the younger cousins so we older cousins usually ignored them for the most part. He was a grown man now but he still looked so much like a boy. He was small and wiry with a shy smile and big blue-green eyes. It was good to see him and we talked about school and life and other stuff.
I remember years ago before I got married, before I went into the military, Jon had attempted suicide. I saw him a couple months after it happened. He couldn’t drive and asked me to drive him to the store and take him to look at cars. We spent the afternoon hanging out and smoking cigarettes and laughing. Although we didn’t talk about what happened it was still there, like a silent shroud, wrapping him in a wall that couldn’t be reached. There was a part of me that wanted to take him away and protect him and tell him that I loved him, but the wall was always there, even though he never meant for it to be. I was sad when that afternoon was over and I had to leave.
As we sat in the barn, I looked at his face and thought about how beautiful he was. Some girl is so going to fall in love with you Jon, I thought, don’t worry. I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he was care taking for a man and living in his house but that the job was going to be ending. “After I leave here this weekend I will have to find a new place to live.” He smiled that sad smile. I wish I had a place that I could have invited him to come live with me but I’m still staying at mom and dads. Another of our cousins joined us and I figured I had hidden out long enough so it was time to go back out to the reunion.
When it was time to leave he came to give me a hug. “It was really good to see you again Jon.” I told him. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Bye” he said. I didn’t know it was going to be last time I saw him.
My father got the call this morning. “Last night Jon’s roommates found him. He was unresponsive,” he told my mom and I, “He’s dead” I've been crying ever since.
I wish I would have told him that I loved him. I wish I would have told him he was beautiful and that someday some girl was going to love him. Now she never would.
It’s okay Jon. Your journey is over and you will have peace now. Some day all your tears will be wiped away and there will be no more pain.
Farewell, my friend.